Vibrating toys for girls and boys

I was using my new, super-whizzy (supposedly) razor today - it's a disposable-blade type wet razor, with the added "kink" that it takes batteries. You may be wondering, 'Why does a razor vibrate? What good could that do?' - I know I wondered, so I thought I'd get one and try it.

The adverts tell you that the "power of electricity" or some other silly thing is meant to help you get a closer shave. How does it do this? The ads don't say. My best guess was that it would pass a small current through your skin, to make the hairs stand up more so you shave better. It doesn't.

This razor vibrates.

That's right. The amazing technological invention this NEW razor brings is that it buzzes and vibrates like some kind of discount sex-toy. Don't get me wrong, it shaves well, although the razor blades are *exactly* the same as my previous model razor. Maybe it does shave better - I suppose the vibrating thing will help it wiggle onto all those hard-to-shave hairs - you know, the ones that the All-New-All-Singing-All-Dancing Greatly-Improved-Over-The Old-Greatly-Improved Razor were supposed to shave right off.

Plus, the new blades are (I think) more expensive than the old blades, even though they're the same. Well, that's not entirely fair - the new blades are a different colour.

I mean, guys *love* gadgets. That's how they sell us all these new razors. They make you more attractive to women - your current partner will love you more, and drag you to bed at the slightest opportunity. In the street, women's heads will turn and they will fall over (frequently showing delightfully smooth legs as shaved by the female linked product, no doubt). Your life will be more exciting, all your friends will cheer as you score that much-needed goal in your football match, and your newborn baby will smile as it snuggles up to Daddy's lovely new smooth chin.

I don't have a partner, women don't fall over in the streets looking at me, I rarely play football (I'm rubbish at it), and I don't have a baby, although maybe one of those women that fall over might like to help me with that one. So why do I need a new razor? I always used to shave ok.

Maybe you're better off just buying lots of batteries and passing the new razor to your girlfriend (minus the blades, obviously) whilst she falls over looking at some guy who *does* use the new model.